Oh the joys of falling in love...

I guess it's like there has been a huge wake up call for me. All of those years of watching Walt Disney movies has caught up to me. There is really no such thing as falling in love. There is no such thing as a prince charming. There is no such thing as some of these basic things that I always thought were true when I was growing up. It's a rude awakening.

I'm not writing this to rain on anyone's parade. It's not like I've had a fight with my fiance or anything like that. I've just always thought that relationships or marriage was this magical experience in which infatuation and falling-in-love-feelings are always present. I know that marriage is going to be difficult at times and that's simply the reality of it. If only we lived in a perfect world...

I've been reading a book called Sacred Marriage that has educated me further on marriage and what it will be like. I guess it makes me sad and scared that it's going to be tough, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to experience it and stay with Gary for the rest of my life. I believe that when I am put in challenging situations, that is when I grow the most.

Time to wake up

It's been such a long time since I've posted on here. I'm not sure why. It's something that I love. I love writing about how I am growing and learning new things. It's something that I shouldn't stop. It's apart of my whole reflective process in figuring out how I can really grow in my relationship with God and figure out who it is that I am becoming or maybe even what I want to become.

So, hopefully, this will be a new commitment to writing and reflecting and growing--regardless of if I am the only one reading this or not. I cannot stay complacent...it's time for me to get up and do something about it.

Growing up

It is so weird growing up and getting older. It's like you have to take on all of these responsibilities. Some you're willing to take, while others not so much.

One thing that I've been surprised by is how much I can see myself growing up. I can't believe it. I never pictured this actually happening. Looking back on things in my life, it becomes more apparent to me why I had to go through the things I went through. I know in my previous blog, I talked about being alone and I never understood why I didn't have any friends, but now I do. I realize that that time in my life was so essential in shaping who I am now and me becoming more comfortable in Christ. Back in high school years, I had an idea of why I was going through those times of loneliness, but now I see it even more why I went through those things. It's comforting. I know then I would ask God what in the world He was doing and I'd pray for friends, but He was the one who was truly with me. It was all for His purpose that I went through those things.

Even now, I'm alone once again for the summer and yet again it's really difficult, but I know that it's all for His purpose in shaping me. I need to embrace Him while I go through this time of loneliness. Through this, it's become really difficult for me to be away from people that I'm close to, but I've realized that in times I'm alone, I have less distractions and I'll be able to focus more on still figuring out who God wants me to be.

Wow. Growing up is going to be so much fun!

A long, long time ago

So, here I am. . . sitting in my dorm room and I'm all alone. I am all alone and I'm OK with that which is really odd for me because most of the time, when I'm alone, I feel broken and upset and completely unloved, but for once, I am alone and I'm OK with that.

As I'm sitting here, on the floor in my room all alone, I recall when I was always alone back in high school. I'd come home, do my homework, eat dinner, and have the rest of the night to myself. . . all alone and I was OK with that. Most of the time that I was all alone, I'd spend time reading my Bible, reflecting, and listening to Christian music. There were some times that I did not like the feeling of being alone. I'd think about going away to college and how I would always be spending time with people and I would never have to be alone again. To my surprise, I am all alone. I am completely undisturbed by everyone else on this campus and I am all alone.

I never really realized that in moments where I was all alone were the moments that I grew most in my relationship with God. In times where I was completely alone, I was at a high in my relationship with God because I realized that in times where I was "alone" I was relying on God to fulfill that area of my life. It is such a comforting feeling to be able to rely on God in times where you are alone because it is then that you become more comfortable with yourself and with God directing you towards where ever it is that he wants you to be.

Well, I guess this is still alive...

At Camp...

I swear. At camp I do the dumbest things. This is going to be the start of a whole lot of stuff that I do that is so absolutely dumb.

Last weekend at camp, I tried putting my right contact in three times and each time my contact kept popping out. Finally, I just shoved it in there. All during breakfast, my eye was turning red and hurting like crazy.

As soon as I got back to my room, I took out my contacts and took a shower. I got out and try to put my right contact back in and it still kept popping out. I looked at my eye, and noticed that there was a circle of something in my eye. Yep. Definitely already had a contact in my eye. I threw away some old contacts from the day before and I'm assuming that one of the contacts didn't come out when I went to throw it away. I also slept with one contact in.

I know. I'm the smartest person alive.

I've been thinking about putting up some theological discussions that I've been having with a friend of mine. I know that no one really reads this, but if anyone is interested in me putting them up let me know. There are also some points that I'm not as strong on so I might need help from anyone who reads this. If there is no one, then I guess I can keep writing to myself! Haha.

Gently instruct

Just last night someone who is an atheist asked me about what sort of Christian I am. I responded back and told him that I'm a non-denominational Christian and then I decided to ask him about his beliefs as an atheist. I haven't gotten a response yet.

After being almost finished with my Inter Disciplinary Studies (in other ways of putting it, it's a class about a lot of different isms), I feel like I'm ready to find out about what other people believe and in some way try to get them to think more about what they believe so that I might be able to lead them to Christ. Even though I've been through the class, I know that it still isn't going to be an easy task.

Anyway, last night I was praying about this person and that God would give me the right words. Suddenly, it hit me out of no where. I realized that when I try to talk with other people about their beliefs, I treat it more like an argument. I don't always realize how important it is to be delicate with my words and try not to scare them away from possibly starting up a relationship with God.

I've been reading this book called Letters From A Skeptic and it's a really awesome book about this son who is a Christian and he is writing his father who doesn't really have any strong set of beliefs. Throughout the whole book their engaging each other with some tough questions. One thing I've realized the son does is he is delicate and always trying to show how God is most importantly a God of love who sent His Son for us. The son is presenting his responses and ideas about God as clearly as he can.

To close, "Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses..." (2 Timothy 2:25-26).